I went to get my eyes examined today and the prognosis is: there's some sort of inflammation or infection or whatever wherein I am to stop wearing my contacts for a week, use eye drops 6 times a day, and then go back in for a check up. They don't know what's causing it, it could be the cold I had last week or something worse.
In any case, I came home and saw with my diseased eyes this magnificence.
Holy hippogriffs, Batman. Your Professional Primer size is mighty large!